Baby news...

I keep thinking over and over again to myself if or when to talk about this or not because I NEVER thought it would ever happen to ME! I question all the time WHY and things run through my head but all I say to my self is..."stay positive! everything happens for a reason sweet, you'll have you're time when it comes". It really hurts thinking about it but what more can I do about it???

Here goes...

So, last week I was at work and started to bleed but it was very light so I thought I was maybe "spotting" for the first time. But I got so scared I called Fili and told him and he had his mom call me to calm me down. Sure enough she said it was just probably my first spotting, that it was normal and that as long as it wasn't "really really red" I shouldn't worry.

Well, the bleeding got DARKER and HEAVIER after work and while we were at my sisters having dinner. I told fili that we should call our Midwife and she told us we should be okay and to go in and meet with her and run tests the next day and if we thought it got worse or heavier to go to the ER. After we talked to her everytime I went to the bathroom it got heavier so I asked fili if we could just go to the ER! I was so worried and scared.

When we got to the ER we checked in pretty fast and sure enough we were in a room with a nurse taking blood and waiting for a doctor to see us. They wanted to do a ultrasound and other stuff to see what was going on with me. When it was time for the ultrasound fili and I were so excited (but I was still very worried)because this would be our first time seeing or hearing baby's heartbeat. When we got to the room to do the ultrasound she was typing and changing the screen over and over looking for baby and found it but COULDN'T find any heartbeat!! My heart dropped so bad and that's all that stuck in my head and when the nurse left the room I just cried while fili wiped my tears away telling me we were fine and that everything would be okay.

We went back to the room to wait for our doctors to come back with my blood and ultrasound results. We were 7 weeks last week and they said that baby looked to be 5 weeks and couple of days and that it might have been too early for a heartbeat. Then said that we should go to our midwife to see what she could do for us as far as retesting my blood to see if my HCG levels go up or down or another ultrasound. When we left the hospital all I could do was cry cry cry and cry! I was so hurt.

When we went to see our midwife they took blood again and our midwife said that she would call us with the results the following day to tell us if my HCG levels went up or down. The next day we were at a family BBQ and we got the call and found out we had a miscarriage! :( We left the BBQ and drove to my sisters house and right when we got there all I could do was cry and cry. It was just me and fili there too which was good but I was so hurt and I didn't know what else to do! Fili's mom called and talked to me and I cried harder just listening to her.

We slowly started to tell our family which was so hard for me And fili because we were so exciting for everything with baby and finally starting a family then this had to happen to US? I was so heartbroken.

This has got to be the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life and I never thought it ever happen to me. Im just so thankful for the gospel and what it has taught me and I know I haven't been the best with going to church and everything but I do know that heavenly father has a plan for everyone and this happening to us was apart of that plan he has. Everything happens for a reason and Blessing will come to those who wait and waiting is what we will do.

I'm glad I have a Husband that is so strong and keeps me going everyday. He has done so much for me and I love him so much. Our families have been there for us throughout everything no matter what and we are truly blessed to have them in our lives.

It's all about going UP from here and we're starting fresh with nothing but POSITIVE attitudes and we'll try again when its time :)

Until next time...

Love,
The Vakapuna's :)